Loving yourself...does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own
heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion. -Margo Anand
I often do my writing from a coffeehouse. It is one of those sorts of places with overstuffed chairs, the scent of coffee and whispered voices. Last week I sat next to a man and woman who were discussing relationship and love and the dynamic between men and women. She asked the man “are you currently in relationship?”. He humorously answered, “yes, I’m trying a new sort of relationship. I am entering into relationship with myself.” She chuckled and asked “how is that going for you?”. He answered with a smirk……“I’m learning to love me now. Its good, we don’t fight much. Its not too serious, I’m moving soon, and don’t want to start something I can’t finish. We’re keeping it open and talking about it. If he meets someone else, I’ll try to understand. But mostly…….I’m just glad I have a cat”. Hysterical laughter ensued.
I stifled a chuckle, and noticed their conversation had caused me to ask myself, “how much time do I really put into knowing and loving me?” Without sound trite, it is an important question. My father once challenged me that loving myself must mean I am abusing or neglecting others. It seems a common belief that if I spend my time, money, energy or thoughts on myself that somehow someone else will “loose”. I have come to find this is not true. Instead, it appears to be the exact opposite.
In my facilitation of workshops I run an activity called “giving it away”. I call a person to the front of the room and ask them to give me a penny. Sometimes they have one, sometimes they don’t. Either way, eventually they run out of pennies. However, once they run out, instead of no longer asking for a penny, I simply get more demanding, beg, plead or cry for the lack of a penny. The activity demonstrates that you cannot give away what you do not have. No matter how hard they try, or how much they want to give me a penny, they simply do not have one. The same is true in my life: If I do not have self-love, I cannot love someone else completely. If I do not respect myself, it is difficult to respect others. If I do not have compassion for myself, and my human foibles, I do not have true compassion for anyone else.
The reverse is also true. I give much more freely of that which I have an abundance! If pennies were limitless, I’d be able to continually give them without end. And so it goes, if I judge myself harshly, I tend to judge others the same. When I am impatient with myself, I am impatient with others. Or, if I live peacefully, I will unwittingly share peace with those around me.
Self-love is a beautiful cycle where everyone wins. When I love myself, I have more love to give; when those around me receive more love, it is easier for them to love both themselves and others. When there is more love, compassion, understanding and gentleness in my life, there is more in the world. When there is more in the world there will be less disagreements, less fighting, and less war. And so the never ending cycle of expanding, increasing, conscious, powerful love continues, and my self-love actually becomes an invaluable piece of both loving and healing my family, my friends, my community, my nation and, ultimately, my world.
Did you have any idea that self-love could be so globally important?
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